The Careless Couple’s relationship starts quickly (received with joy) and may even appear to be thriving (shoots up quickly). This is possible because they avoid conflict, and consequently, they lack experience in successfully resolving conflict. The pressure to be liked by one’s partner results in behaviors that avoid failure and rejection.
The couple acts too quickly without considering if they can finish what they started. They tend to seek the benefits of marriage before they’ve built a foundation to sustain those benefits. This impatience may show up, for example, as a financial crisis (debt) or pregnancy before marriage. The discovery of personal and relational weaknesses threatens to wither the relationship. The shocked reaction is too often, “Oh, no! Did I choose the wrong person?” Complications, which may only be a normal rite of passage, become a crisis of doubt as the couple questions whether they can overcome their obstacles.
- The honeymoon effect: extreme highs followed by shock, fear, and disappointment;
- A one-dimensional, superficial focus on excitement;
- A lack of genuineness: compromising values to create the illusion of being one;
- Conflict avoidance, along with denial of difficulty;
- Dependence on pleasure now: all that matters is this moment;
- Creation of emotional debt by recklessly borrowing against future happiness;
- A strong temptation to give up when difficulty surfaces; and
- Fear and intolerance of conflict, separation, individual space, differences, preferences and opinions.